Ice climbing course

[mike]

Wanted:

Young up and commers, with a high tolerance for eating vast amounts of tuna and granola, to fork over hard earned cash, in order to learn advanced level ice climbing skills, in just a few short hours.

Talking or not paying attention will not be tolerated, due to the fact that not understanding any component of the training could result in your immediate death on future outings.

As long as prospective students have previous experience with ice skating and throwing snowballs, they should expect, at the end of the 4 hour seminar, to be able to climb grade 7 ice (and mixed routes to M13) without fear or hesitation, in fine style.

I will also be offering a 2 hour add on package, covering high altitude mountaineering, where we mostly hold our breaths while doing push ups and downward facing dogs, students can expect to come out of this one with all the skills necessary to conquer- yes that's right!- absolutely run up any 7000M peak on the planet.

Any takers???
Mike

[seanT]

I want mine shaken not stirred.

[szymiec]

Im in for the high altitude portion. Can i bring my snarg?

[The Mitt]

I have a couple of questions.

1. Whats the cost. Cause I would pay alot for that course.
2. I'm currently an over weight elderly gentleman who would rather watch TV than work out. After this course will I be ready for K2?
3. What are your qualifications? Have you been in any magazines, or climbed with big named people? (cause that will do)
4. Most importantly will this affect or improve my bouldering skills?

Mitt

P.S Yes I know I owe you a beer.

[mike]

1: Quite a bit- worth every penny though- your friends will all drool once you've got this bad boy course under your belt.

2: Yes you certainly will. I understand that Video Difference has a copy in stock.

3: I've been under a magazine once- I kinda fell asleep in a departure lounge. I once climbed with a guy whose last name is Gallonouski- would you consider that a big name?

4: Bouldering... never heard of it.

[dcentral]

Do I have to carry my own thermos of hot chocolate, or will you take care of that for me?

[mike]

Actually, the sponsors of 2005 UIAA ice climbing symposium have caught wind of this new age training system I've developed.

I was speaking with their people and, through them, they've expressed an interest in being involved. They've gratiously donated a team of 17 flip flop wearing Sherpas who will be carrying, not only the hot chocolate, but also each of the course participants.

Ohhhhh- I almost forgot- course registration is limited to 42 people.

[dcentral]

But I don't really want to swing axes will there be any kind marionette system that will work my arms and feet for me?

[mike]

The Sherpas may expect tipping for the additional services- but I'm sure they'd understand. I mean most of their regular clients don't do anything anyway...

[Scooter]

I have a hard time figuring out whether or not this thread is seriouss
enough sherpa talk!!
what the cost whens it happening what do ppl need??????

[mike]

It's free, it's happening whenever it's cold. Some of the expectaitions of the program might have been somewhat exagerated. For instance- I hate doing push ups while holding my breath.

If you wanna get yer self on some ice- I'm happy to help you out. After all- the climbing scene here in NS is a community right?

I'm free all week- perhaps we could go do some trespassing in the Bedford quarry. I can help you out with whatever gear you might need.

This, of course, would be a couple of folks going climbing together- not an instructor/client senario. I have no insurance, but I am highly trained in rope safety (it's actually my job to make sure teams of climbers don't get hurt), and I do know more than a little bit about climbing ice.

Mike

[peter]

So, will you take this course on the road, like, next summer?

[Zamboni]

Scott,

Its 500 bucks.. 400 of which goes to mike to cover the half day lesson, and another 100 bucks goes to me.. To cover the brokerage, and distribution fees!

I'll only take cash!

Conan.

[Scooter]

conan,

how bout a kiss? or a beer? im a poor student

[dcentral]

A beer would probably lead to kisses so it's probably a win win for both of you.

[mike]

The course will be on the road next summer. It will be happening in Far eastern Europe in June.

Mike

[Zamboni]

hahaha