by peter » Tue Mar 08, 2005 4:22 pm
Four well-dressed climbers together on a cruise ship, trying V0 bouldering problems on the cruise ship climbing wall.
Sean One: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.
Sean Two: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?
Ben One: You're right there Obediah.
Ben Two: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin'here drinking Chateau de Chassilier?
MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of an old boulderin' pad.
GC: A rotted pad.
EI: Without handles or graphics.
TG: OR padding.
MP: In a filthy, chalk covered carrying case.
EI: We never used to have a case. We used to have to drag our pad by butchers' string fastened to our piercings.
GC: The best WE could manage was to fall on a piece of rotten sea weed.
TG: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money
doesn't buy you happiness."
EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to
climb on these tiiny little high ball problems with greaaaaat big holes in the landing.
GC: Problems? You were lucky to have problems! We used to climb public buildings, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no spotters, half toe mortar was missing; we were all huddled together on the same route for
fear of FALLING!
TG: You were lucky to have a buildering problem! *We* used to have to climb historical statues!
MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of climbing historical statutes! Woulda' been an indoor gym to us. We used to drag ourselves along the sidewalk by our fingernails for lack of vertical rock. We got tossed off of every problem by having a load of rotting garbage dumped all over us! Statutes!? Hmph.
EI: Well when I say "statutes" it was only the "Wave" surrounded by pea-gravel, but it was a statute to us.
GC: We were evicted from *our* statute; we had to go and climb at Eagles' Nest!
TG: You were lucky to have Eagles' Nest! There were a hundred and sixty
of us climbing on the ocean, just above the tide line.
MP: Above the tide line you say?
TG: Aye.
MP: You were lucky. We climbed for three months on a mythical isle in St. Margaret's Bay. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, find the island, which had floated away in the night, eat a stale power gel, go to work climbing for fourteen hours a day week in-week out, and when we got home, our partners would thrash us to sleep with a belt!
GC: Luxury. We used to have to swim out into the ocean at three o'clock in the morning, find a seagull flowers splattered rock, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work climbing the rock for sponsorship at the rate of tuppence a month, come home, and and our partners would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!
TG: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of bivy sac at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK our car clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, climbed twenty-four hours a day on submerged rock for sponsorship of fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our partners would slice us in two with a bread knife.
EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night,
half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, go climbing twenty-nine hours a day on the ocean floor, and pay the sponsors for permission to wear their gear, and when we got home, our partners would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."
MP: But you try and tell the young climbers today that... and they won't
believe ya'.
ALL: Nope, nope., they won't.